I don't remember when it started,
April maybe March,
I have not been able to sleep all night.
Still I wake up.
We turned the mattress and bought new sheets.
I lowered the thermostat. Sometimes I woke sweaty.
I do not like to be sweaty.
My husband thinks it is cold in our house.
I think of butterflies and dream of beautiful gardens.
After a couple of hours I am awake.
I stay in bed, with my eyes closed.
I try to go back to sleep. It takes an hour or longer before I am drifting again.
Some nights I get back asleep; some I do not.
My fatigue during the day I thought was from the upsets.
I was resting at night; just not sleeping.
My lack of enthusiasm for gardening I thought was because of all the plants that died.
I would engage a wee bit but I could not sustain the energy.
I was tired.
I was and am always tired.
My friend called last week. She has known me since kindergarten.
She asked me how I was doing.
I told her how I was not so despondent but still seemed to be so very tired.
I told her about mulching and seeds and how I was once again trying to find the connection to my plants.
I told her how I was not sleeping very well.
She said, "Oh yes, the change."
I thought she meant the change in the energies of planet Earth.
The climate change, the way the energies of the third dimension were giving way to the fourth. I went on and on about the density of the third dimension.
She is kind. She listened.
She responded, "Hormones."
I have read "Our Bodies Ourselves" first and second editions. I have looked at my "Wall Chart" of the human body. I have read "Gray's Anatomy". It is rather tedious.
Never did I read that when your hormones change, menopause, one quits sleeping.
In Webster's I read, "hormone--- a substance formed in some organ of the body and carried to another part, where it takes effect."
Oh, that explains it!
All this time I thought it had to do with having babies. I have done that and am happy I did. Also I am happy I am not having babies now. I am too tired to have babies.
My friend told me the body takes awhile to adjust. She assured me I would sleep again.
All this time I thought my sleeplessness was from an emotional disorder or a spiritual, dark night of the soul. Here it was, the body. The last place I would look.
I guess the sleep hormone is changing.