Sunday, May 13, 2007


I called for my Mother but she did not come.
She was busy with her needles.
She had many children and many chores.
I understood.
I could watch the clouds by myself.

I called for my Grandmother but she did not come.
She was in the fields.
The chickens needed to be fed.
There were many grandchildren.
I was too small.

I learned to be my own Mother.
I learned to be my own Grandmother.
I learned to nurture myself.

I looked for Mother.

I looked for Grandmother.

They are everywhere present.

They are the wind and the rain.

They are the stars and the moon.

I am Mother; I am Grandmother.


smilnsigh said...

Lovley. And bitter-sweet. Haven't all mothers been 'too busy'? Of course we have.

But if we were constantly there, for children/grandchildren, would they ever learn to take care {mother} themselves?

Don't know the answer to that question.

But it helps, when a pang of guilt for "too business" comes over us.

Yes? No? Maybe? :-)


Q said...

Dear Mari-Nanci,
I find it very interesting to look at a "feeling" from many different perpectives. As a child I saw the world from one point of view, as a young Mother I saw it from another and now as an older woman I see from yet another!
Yes, however we learn it has value.
Many of us did not have the "nurturing" sort of mothers. Mine was more a duty Mom. My parents had their agenda and I was very different from the other children. I liked the birds and the flowers and such. I was prone to flights of fantasy. They were practical, faith filled people.
I asked too many questions! I did not believe as they did. They loved me but there were conditions.
I had to learn to love me as is! I also had to learn to love them as they were.
I did learn that, thus I was able to love my husband and my children as they are, without judgement.
Today I am in a position to be the Mother to myself and to be the Grandmother I always wished I had.
It is very nice to honor myself.
Thank you for sitting a bit with me and having this conversation. It is delightful getting to know you.

smilnsigh said...

"I had to learn to love me as is! I also had to learn to love them as they were."

I'm so happy for you, that you have achieved both these things. I fear I'm still working on both.

But 'fear' isn't the proper word. 'Realize' may be the word. I realize that I am still working on both.

'Realize' isn't a scary sounding word. It's a matter of fact sounding word. It allows for both progress, and for continuing the work of progress.

Wondering... do you see value in the word Crone? Some do and some don't. For some, it's a scary word. For others, it's a rich word of description of the older woman.


Q said...

Hi Mari-Nanci,
I like the word, "Crone". It does come from the olde ways and I like that. I do think in today's society it is associated with the Goddess concept.
I have no trouble with any of the ways people find to express their spirituality.
I like the "Grandmother" verbage for a woman in her later years.
It seems to have a bit more respect.

smilnsigh said...

Dear Q,
Yes, Grandmother is far more easily understood term, than Crone. Yes, the later is connected to the concept of the Goddess. And few take the time to move beyond this... to a more universal view of the olde ways. Nor need they.

-sigh- Notice how I felt I was sounding judgmental there? And I wasn't meaning to sound that way. Ahhh words, words, words. Much joy can be spread, by/with them. And much misunderstanding too. How to be sure of the joy-part?

By having an open mind maybe? And an ear, which presupposes the best, first? Not the worst, first. I have a long road to travel yet, before I fully master this.

More self-work. More, more, more to do... on ourselves. :-)


Q said...

Dear Mari-Nanci,
I let go of the idea of working on self. I am accepting me as I am. It is an easier, softer way. If I want to I can always change. If I find a way of being is not working I will do my research and see if I can do something different.

Sprite said...



I love this post and feel the depth of feelings from you. I also enjoy the conversation that followed.

I totally embrace the energy of Crone as Wisdom, as self. I can see grandmother outside of self (because I am yet to be grandmother). I had a step-grandmother who was very kind to me, I loved her dearly. I always knew though, that the real grandchildren were hers. I felt like an outsider even on the inside.

When I become ‘Grandmother,’ I will be soft, I will smell delicious, I will bake cookies, I will read. I already wear purple. Oh, and I already do all these things. I must be a Grandmother’s apprentice.

I love that you both shared this.

Thank you.

Much love and gratitude,


Q said...

Dear Kat,
"Grandmother apprentince" LOL!!!
I too like Crone for wisdom, Wise Woman. If I am in a group that knows that I am very comfortable.
Seldom am I in such a group~!
Think I shall go tweeze some chin hairs.

Chrissie said...

I found this conversation very interesting. When I was a child my mother once told me that when I was born she had wanted a son and that haunted me in a gentle way for a long time. It was only years later when I had my own family that I realised I had perhaps put more emphiasise on the comment than she ever had! I realised that I love my children whatever and that she loved me too even if it was hard for her to say. My parents had a strong faith too which I found hard to follow. I have left my children to decide for themselves. I have also learnt to love myself. I always used to worry about whether people liked me but now I know I have some really good friends and family that I can depend on it really doesn't matter (too much:-)) what other people think of me. I wish I was more financially secure and did not have go out to work but we are planning for that day :-) One day I will be able to spend each day as I please :-)

Q said...

Dear Chris,
It is amazing how a comment made by a parent can linger in a child's mind for many, many years.
My Father made a comment when I was four and I can still hear his voice and his words. I am sure I too made comments that my children can still "hear".
My parents were not "huggers" and I think I learned to hug when I met my husband. I so wanted the "hugs" as a child. When I became a Mother I did lots of hugging and lap sitting and rocking chair time. I loved every minute of it. Part of how I learned to rock me.
One of these days you will be home all day, puttering about, enjoying your moments.
Thank you for joining in this conversation.
I like you just the way you are!
It was fun to see your journal spot on Mary's View. I have looked at Somerset on the internet. You live in a very lovely place.
It is nice being friends with you.

Sprite said...


Dearest Darling Woman,

I laughed so hard when I read that you were going to go pluck some chin hairs.

I've been away for a while, I'm so glad that I checked in to see replies today.

You make me LAUGH!

Love you,


Q said...

Dear Sprite,
I really enjoy the aspect of Walking In Beauty of our conversations in comments. I like that. It feels as if we all are sitting about having a beverage and chatting...
You make me laugh too sometimes..
Friends laughing together...
Friends crying together....
Star sisters,

Sprite said...


Oh Yes, yes we are Star Sisters!

Faerie Light Bug Sisters!



Q said...

"Faerie Light Bug Sisters"!
You are so fun!